


Denial

by shinuzzle



Category: ITZY (Band)
Genre: F/F, Teen Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-13
Updated: 2020-10-13
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:28:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26980642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shinuzzle/pseuds/shinuzzle
Summary: She thought she wanted to be close to Ryujin because she's her friend, but the feelings never went away.They only grew.
Relationships: Hwang Yeji/Shin Ryujin
Comments: 1
Kudos: 28





	Denial

Yeji is with her friends Lia, Chaeryeong, Ryujin and Yuna right now. They are about to go to the cinema together, since they've all been quite busy lately they thought it's a good idea. They didn't really seem to spend much time together, although they all live in the same apartment.

Lia and Yuna has become roomates, Chaeryeong is having a room for herself, and Yeji.  
Well, she's sharing a room with her crush.  
Ryujin; the same person she's staring at right now.

They have been friends for years. They laughed together, cried together. Yeji thought it's just their strong bond of friendship which made her feel this way, which made her feel so affectionate towards her. She thought she wanted to be close to Ryujin because she's her friend, but the feelings never went away.  
They only grew. 

Just like her eagernesss to try to ignore it. Ignore the fact that her roommate became her crush.  
But eventually she had to accept that Ryujin is making her feel some type of way; only she has this effect on her.

On their way to the cinema Yeji noticed Ryujin and Lia exchanging smiles and being clingy towards each other. Yeji can't lie, she wanted to be the one who makes Ryujin smile like this. She admids she's a little jealous; and upset.  
Because she actually planned to go to the cinema with Ryujin alone.

Yeji asked her if she wants to hang out. But before she could have answered, the other girl were storming in and invited themselves.  
Yeji could have sworn she saw a slight dissappointment on Ryujin's face, but that couldn't be possible. Why would Ryujin be?

And why does she want to be alone with her so much?  
Sure, Ryujin is her crush but it's not like she's in love with her. Also the presence of her closest friends shouldn't bother her that much, so she shouldn't complain.

When they finally entered the cinema, Yeji was met with the smell of popcorm and nachos. Kids screaming and friends chatting could be heard in the entire building.  
Thankfully the tickets were surprisingly fast to buy, so they still had time to waiting in line to buy food.

"Hurry up, i'm hungry." Yeji complained to herself.  
"I'm not surprised, you always want snacks." Ryujin, who was standing in front of her, spoke up.  
"Not my fault that they're so delicious." Yeji responded, causing Ryujin to giggle. At least she succeeded to make her happy today.

After they got their snacks and tickets, they went to their seats. Yeji wanted to sit next to Ryujin at all cost, and succeeded in doing so.  
They weren't talking to each other, but it wasn't awkward; they spent a lot of time together. Yeji's nervousness just made it unbearable, since she realized her real feelings for Ryujin.

Looking at the direction of Ryujin's hand, she had the urge to hold it. She didn't know if she wanted to make a move, she just wanted to know how Ryujin would react. So she slowly placed her hand over hers. Ryujin didn't really give a reaction, she just slightly shifted in her seat. Yeji actually wasn't surprised, they held hands a lot of times.  
Why would it be different now? Maybe she hoped for something more.

As the movie finished and the lights were on again, Ryujin noticed Yeji's snacks which hasn't been eaten.  
"I thought you were hungry?" she asked Yeji.

Right. But she didn't want to let her hand go, so she didn't eat during the whole movie. I guess holding Ryujin's hands were more important than food.

Thankfully the cinema wasn't far, they were able to walk back home in only a couple of minutes; it was very convenient. Ryujin and Yeji were walking at the back, while the rest was walking in front of them. They were having fun and laughed together, but Ryujin seemed to be in thoughts. Yeji questioned if she should speak up or not.

But instead she accidentally blurted out  
"Can i take you out?"

Yeji being completely in shock of what she just said, tried to pray that Ryujin didn't hear it. But unfortunately that wasn't the case. The question shot Ryujin right back to reality and made her stare at Yeji.  
"...What?"

"Uh out... -side?" Yeji tried to save it but obviously failed.  
"But we're already outside." Ryujin responded; now being more confused than before.  
"Yeah, right." Yeji's face turned red. Thankfully they were home just in time to hide Yeji's embarrassment.

Back inside she felt Ryujin's eyes following her a couple of times. While walking through the front door, while spending time in the living room, even while getting ready for bed. But she tried to shake the thought off; that it must be her imagination.  
But right before Yeji was about to go to bed, Ryujin seeked out a conversation with her.

"Hey, Yeji."  
"Yeah?" she responded while turning around to face Ryujin.  
"Was it supossed to be a date?"

Yeji didn't expect such a question, didn't know if she should answer truthfully either.  
There was silence but Ryujin kept coming closer and closer. Step by step her heart started to skip beats due to her nervousness.

"Did you want it to be one?" Yeji finally spoke up again. Ryujin just smiled, but it seemed slightly forced; it was a bitter smile. Maybe she wanted to hear a different answer from her?

"Good night, Yeji." she left her standing with a small kiss on her cheek.  
"Sweet dreams." Ryujin added before heading to her bed; her face turned to the wall.

Yeji's dreams were indeed sweet, because they contained Ryujin. She dreamed about being held by her, and being able to hold her. And most importantly: kissing her.  
God, how she wishes it wasn't a dream. It felt so real, she had to touch her lips after waking up.

Yeji was the first one to wake up. When she looked to her right side, Ryujin was sleeping peacefully in her bed. Her hair equally messed up as her blanket. Yeji thought it's adorable. 

She sleepily walked to the kitchen and decided to make some pancakes. After a while she heard noices coming from the other bedrooms, as well as from the bathroom. The other girls are probably waking up right now.

Suddenly Yeji felt warmth surrounding her, gentle arms were wrapped around her waist.  
Yeji could have sworn she melted, when she recognized who it was.  
Ryujin was backhugging her. Abd it got her all flustered.

It usually wasn't a big thing, but now every movement Ryujin does make her heart beat madly. It feels like something changed Ryujin as well, she's been more affectionate for the past few weeks, but Yeji thought that Ryujin just feels more comfortable with her.  
Or maybe more? Maybe she only hopes so.  
Didn't know what exactly happened, but she gladly accepted and welcomed it if she'd get more affection out of her.

Yeji's been so deep into her thoughts, she didn't notice she completely froze until she smelled a burnt pancake.  
"You okay?" Ryujin asked, noticing Yeji's state.

She turned to Yeji's side and cupped her face; making Yeji look at her. When she saw how Ryujin looked at her lips for a brief second, her face turned red again.  
"You're slightly heat up." well obviously she was.

"Can i have some too?"  
Yuna's voice suddenly could be heard in the kitchen, making Yeji flinch.

"S-sure" Yeji responded.  
It was difficult to break Ryujin's intense eye contact, but she somehow managed to continue making pancakes.

After everyone was fully awake and seated at the table, they began eating breakfast.  
They were talking about their plans for the next weekends, or just silly things like usual. But Yeji was silent for once. She couldn't focus on the conversation, she couldn't stop staring at Ryujin.  
It's crazy how acknowledging your feeling can change the whole atmosphere for you.

The rest of the day was rainy, so it happened to be that everyone stayed inside.  
As Yeji entered the livingroom again, she saw Yuna, Ryujin and Chaeryeong watching dramas together on the couch. Everyone knows how much Ryujin loves dramas, she's always binge watching them; especially on days like this. She's so immersed into it, even while grabbing snacks from time to time.

"Are you gonna move? Because you're in the way."  
Yeji got nudged by Lia, who wanted to pass.  
"Oh, sorry." Yeji tried to laugh her embarrassment off.

Did she got caught staring? Is she too obvious?  
Thinking about it made Yeji even more nervous.

With Lia being able to pass by and taking a seat, the only place Yeji could sit was between Ryujin and Chaeryeong. Great.  
She knew she couldn't concentrate on the TV with Ryujin sitting next to her, but she wanted to join them regardless.

With her legs crossed and hands placed on her legs, she watched the current episode carefully. When Ryujin suddenly cuddled up to her with her head resting on Yeji's shoulder, Yeji started to fidget with her fingers.  
She really wanted to wrap her arm around Ryujin's shoulder, or around her waist. She didn't care, just as long as it makes Ryujin stay.

But she didn't. Because Yeji felt like it was wrong. She couldn't endanger their friendship. Maybe a hug ruining their friendship is exaggerated, but for Yeji it means holding her whole world.

So she tried to keep her focus on the TV, which was again interrupted by Ryujin linking their arms. When Ryujin lightly gripped her arm and played with the material of her shirt, Yeji's breath began to hitch.

The episode was finally over. It wasn't long, but her thoughts made it feel like an eternity. She got lost in it.

Yeji was scrolling through her phone before going to sleep, until Ryujin suddenly sat on her mattress.  
"Can i stay in your bed tonight?"

Yeji gulped.  
Sure, they have cuddled before but it wasn't the case when Ryujin turned into more than just a friend. But she couldn't just say no to her... so they cuddled.  
This time Yeji was backhugging Ryujin; Yeji's arm was lazily wrapped around Ryujin's waist.

The warmth the blanket gave her was a joke compared to the warmth that Ryujin is giving her right now. It was great, it felt great.  
Warm and soothing, calm abd relaxing, safe and secure.

Yeji wished she could stay like this forever. The moment she closed her eyes she was dozing off. Yeji felt like shes on cloud 9.  
Everything was so light and dreamy, she couldn't believe it. She didn't want to wake up next morning. It would mean that she'd realize, that it was a mistake to cuddle her.  
It only made her feelings stronger for her.

Yeji woke up with the feeling of something heavy on her. It was Ryujin laying on top of her. Ryujin's hand near the left side of her shoulder, her soft breath tickling the right side of her neck, Ryujin's leg swung over her own legs and being tangled together.  
Yeji's hand was placed on Ryujin's waist. She didn't know why, but she started to caress it; slowly drawing small circles with her thumb.  
In response Ryujin nuzzled closer to the crook of Yeji's neck, sending shivers through Yeji's spine.

"So you've been awake?" Yeji whispered, hoping that Ryujin is still asleep.  
But Ryujin answered in her sleepy morning voice.  
"I didn't want to wake you up." it was raspier and deeper than usual.  
"Also... it feels nice." she added. Yeji wasn't sure if she meant the cuddle or her carassing her waist, but it somehow made her hold Ryujin tighter in her arms.

But unfortunately they had to stand up at some point.  
As Yeji lovingly watched Ryujin opening the closet to choosing what clothes to wear, she knew she couldn't wait any longer.  
Life is about taking risks right?

After they both got ready Yeji dragged Ryujin outside, without telling the other girls.  
"Where are we going?" Ryujin asked confused.  
"You'll see." was the only answer she got out of a smiling Yeji.

As they walked in silence Ryujin was looking at Yeji, still wondering where she is taking her. Whereas Yeji's eyes were fixed on the road ahead, deeply in thoughts.

After a couple of minutes of walking Yeji spoke up again.  
"We're here."

The place didn't seem special at first glance.  
There were few benches, a playground nearby and it was surrounded by a few houses  
But it somehow felt calming to be there. It feels like a nice neighborhood to be in.

They were sitting next to each other on one of the benches, when Yeji bagan to talk.  
"I used to come here when i had troubles. To relax and to think."  
The place reminds Yeji of old times, she had time to reminiscing memories here.

"Think about what?" Ryujin got curious.  
"You know... you're really special to me Ryujin." Yeji stared at Ryujin ,who stopped observing her surroundings and faced Yeji now.

But Yeji couldn't continue. She's not the type to express her feelings well; and she hates it. As much as she wanted to confess , she couldn't say it. Out of fear to be rejected.

But she keeps wondering if Ryujin feels the same way. Even if they'll end up together... what if they'll break up later on. What if she makes a mistake. What if it ruins their friendship.  
But a relationship with Ryujin is all her heart ever wanted. And she knows it.  
And she can't turn back right now, she's gotten too far.

So instead Yeji made their lips touch.

It was so quick Ryujin had no time to relax into the kiss. Ryujin froze, Yeji froze, it felt like time halted.

But before Ryujin could react Yeji was already panicking.  
"I- i'm sorry." and started to run away. Yeji didn't want to see nor hear Ryujin's reaction. She just heard a voice calling her. She knew it was Ryujin, but she kept running anyways. Whereas Ryujin was still standing still in shock, touching her lips.

Yeji ran until she was out of breath.  
The moment she looked at her phone, she saw multiple missed calls missed messages from Ryujin. She knew she had to go back home, and she knew she had to face Ryujin again. But how?  
Yeji couldn't avoid her forever, but at least she tried to do so.

Back at their apartment Yeji was met by Ryujin's intense eyes staring right through her soul. It seemed like she's been waiting for Yeji's arrival, because she immediately walked over to her.  
"Yeji, can we talk?"

"Uh..." Yeji tried to come up with any kind of excuse to not being confronted right now, and to her luck she saw Yuna struggling to open a bottle of water.  
"Sorry, i have to help Yuna."

"You do?" Yuna asked from across the other room.  
"Yes, i do." Yeji responded, while sprinting over to her.

Yeji went on purpose earlier to bed. When she heard the door opening, she knew Ryujin was in their room looking at her. But she kept pretending to be asleep.

"Yeji, i know you're awake..." Ryujin nearly whispered, it almost sounded painful. When she got no response, Ryujin sighed deeply and turned around to her bed.  
"I hope you're not regretting the kiss... because i don't." 

Both of them weren't able to sleep that night, both knew the other one is awake.  
You could light up the tension with a match.  
Yeji couldn't take it anymore and walked over to Ryujin's bed. She didn't know what to say, she decided to let her heart speak.

As Yeji stood at the edge of her bed and switched on the light, she could see Ryujin's teary eyes. It broke her heart knowing that it was her fault; she made her feel this way.

They stared at each other before Ryujin sat up and let Yeji sit next to her. Both weren't looking at each other. Their eyes were focused at either the ceiling or the floor, until Yeji's gaze was locked at Ryujin's hand placed on the blanket.  
With a bit of hesitation Yeji interwined their hands and faced Ryujin.  
"I lied." Yeji whispered. "I'm not sorry. I would kiss you again... if i could."

Yeji expected any kind scenario, but certainly not Ryujin standing up and gently pulling her up with her. Ryujin wrapped her arms around Yeji's neck and pulled her even closer.  
They kissed again. But this time Ryujin had the chance to kiss back.

"You can." Ryujin smiled while caressing Yeji's nape softly.  
While sharing a tight hug, Yeji is now sure that she doesn't want to let Ryujin go.


End file.
